A prayer

Dear God. You know how I'm kind of tired lately, right? I know, I know. It's not like I'm having a bad life, or like, I'm so poor or something. (Dude, someone just text me a biblical verse: "Stop worrying about your problem, take care of others." or something like it.)

Okay.

Yeah, thanks for answering.

Yes, God, I realize that I'm having a good life. I'm now studying at this university that, even though I wasn't so crazy to get into it, but I still really like this university: the building, the atmosphere, and all. Well, not all, but lots of thing. By the way thank You very much for all that You've given me.

But now I'm, well, I realize this can sound awfully unthankful, but You know how we humans do feel bad sometimes, right? No particular reason or anything. Well I do have some things on my mind, like my grades, the freaking units, money (for the freaking units and for me), and some things I would write here, but You know what I mean.

Is it PMS?

By the way, I have no underpants for tomorrow, I haven't clean anything.

Anyway, is it PMS? Well it doesn't matter, whatever it is, it doesn't feel so good.

Dear God, I lost my bible, or I left it at my house. Oh, or maybe it's in my bag? Wait, I'll go check it.

I still couldn't find it.

I'm feeling kind of lost without it, I mean I know You're always there all the time, but I used to read it every time I'm feeling like this. I don't have the Upper Room too, so I'm feeling like I'm getting further away from You and it makes things worse.

Of course there's the internet with everything in it, and though I prefer books maybe I should go and search for You on the net now.

I just finished reading Upper Room Online and it's about a depressed girl who wanted to kill herself, met You through someone.

"But God is available for all everyone across the world, anytime, anywhere, always. I realize more than ever that our God never sleeps."

Thank You!

it was a nice, one of the nicest I read lately

Just finished reading The Catcher in the Rye. It was quite good, really. It made me glad in some ways, when I read some parts where there are things I often think about- like, things that's kind of hard to explain, except if you had experience it yourself- written there, nice and all out in a book. A book that was written about fifty years ago, when my parents hadn't even met each other. It's kind of awesome if you think about it, right?

And I didn't know that that book was some great deal at first ('at first' means when I was just had read like, five to ten pages), I didn't know all that John Lennon stuff. In fact I was just borrowing some book from a friend of mine- I thought it'd kill time, we were waiting for a plane from Bali to fly back to Jakarta. After some pages, I felt like going to that bathroom and since I'm a teenager girl in a new place (well, the airport) I asked my friend to accompany me and I said something about that book I can't recall and she went, "Yeah, you know what book is it, don't you?" and I said no and she told me. Then I asked her, why could someone possibly inspired to kill others after reading that book, and she said, "Well. You see how that guy (Holden) is always like, dislike anyone for something? Well they said the killer was huge fan of Lennon, but then Lennon was changing into this moneyman- or so he thought- so he thought it's best to just shot him."

With that explanation in my head, I continue reading the book. I only had read half of it however, when we got off the plane and she went home with the book (she hadn't finished it too so I didn't borrow it) and I went home with the unfinished story. Just today, about two weeks later, I bought the book.

I always thought the ending would be something nasty and cynical- like the most cynical thing to say about human behavior of all- but I started to doubt it at Mr Antolini's speech. It's actually really good. I mean, it was a wise, nice thing he says. So I figured Holden is just a smart, lonely, labile guy. He's like, a mirror to our darkest day or something (you could just put "or something" by the end of a sentence if you don't want to sound so stupidly serious). He's not heartless or all. He wouldn't go somewhere and shot someone he dislike. I think. I mean he says that he hates some guy for some time, but then he kind of missing them after it. And he can see some good side of people too, although he blabs more about the negative ones.

Anyways, I guess anything can be wrong, eh? I mean, some guy could possibly watched Mickey Mouse House Club and got inspired to shot himself in the head afterwards. It was a good book.

confession

Well I guess it's no harm to write some more. I mean I really think my mom is still sleeping or something.

Anyways, it's still only me-want-to-write-about-something. So I'm digging into my life and I guess I want to write my confession about boys now. Well. I don't mention this topic a lot in real life with my friends, or at least I didn't. I think I come up with this more often now. Anyways the reason why I don't talk about it so much because I'm 18 and I never had a boyfriend. Like at all. Not even those elementary boyfriend you had but you don't count, not for me. Not at all.

And how do I feel about it? Well for years I've been telling myself that I --

Dude, I don't even want to talk about it.

the holiday is coming to an end

Why, hello! It's been a while since my last shitting around here. Well not really it was two days ago, but it was a short one. Anyways, I'm just feeling like writing things, though nothing is happening with my life if you see it as a pessimist. I mean an optimist would go, that's not true! Look at the BEAUTIFUL sky! Look at your cute little dog! It's a BEAUTIFUL LIFE you had!!!

And though I think it's fun to see a pessimist being sarcastic about stuff, I actually agree that it IS a beautiful life, really, I'm not that kind of depressed people. I mean I might look a bit down sometimes, but inside I'm feeling fine and blessed.

Oh yeah and you might've realized my new hobby. I'm in the phase where I enjoy not putting commas on the right place, or not putting commas at all. Well not all of my sentences, but I think my using of commas have reduced. See I usually use a comma after "see" or "well", now not anymore.

Anyways is just a phase though, I'm a teenager, I'm labile, yada yada yada.

Let's see. What else I can blab about...

Oh yeah, my soon going to be new life: my university life.

Well it's a bit exciting, except for the part that I'm going to play a freshman for about a year AND I have to study pure sciences for about a year, too. Really dude it's totally uncool. I've spent twelve years studying the theories already and now I'm in architecture major, I really can not see what's that got to do with chemical. I mean, some ignorant can make up of something of course, like, "Oh you know maybe there are certain CHEMICAL SUBSTANCE that make a CEILING, which can be poisonous if certain things happen and therefore you should study chemistry!" or something like that, but no, man. I really don't think I should deal with anymore chemistry.

Not that I hate to learn, I'm actually a learner, I like school and all that. Just... not chemistry.

Well about ten minutes ago my mom said, "I'm going to take a quick nap and then I'll go to some tailor and you should accompany me." So I guess I must getting ready now. It's funny how I don't like the fact that I'm just staying here shitting on the internet all day, but I also not feeling like going anywhere. Like for now I'm so not in the mood of getting ready.

a guy friend

Long story short, I'm on my holiday still and I'm running out of money. So yesterday, like very much today, I just sit around and internet all day. And watch HBO. And yesterday they showed When Harry Met Sally, and it makes me longing for a guy friend. Not a hot boyfriend (although I can use one, too), but just a regular, nice, guy friend that I can talk to about anything. Just like Sally's Harry, except I don't want to end up sleeping with him and marry him and so on. I never had any guy friend, especially close one, since I was in elementary, grade one or two. Since then, all the guys that come into my life is either after me, or are related by blood.

Anyway, that's kind of sad come to think about it.

Oh, I really want a guy friend.

あにめとまんが

I like Japanese mangas and animes, though I don't really know so much. My favorites are Cowboy Bebop, One Piece and Hunter × Hunter (this one, I just can't escape from). And so I heard they will make a movie of Cowboy Bebop and I think it's okay. It's the kind of anime that can be made into a movie, don't you think? Unlike Hunter × Hunter, because there's Killua that has white big hair and such thing will never look so good in real life for a little boy, and will of course destroy the coolest underage character ever, or One Piece where there are Nami and Zorro (again, my favorite) whose hair colors are orange and green. Vicious white-haired, but that problem will be solved, I think. I mean, white-haired human existed. And so they say, Spike Spiegel will be played by none other than Keanu Reeves. I kind of like Keanu (yes, I agree he's hot) but he better not mess up playing it, because Spike is... Well, you just can't ruined Spike, man. You'll deserved going to jail for it. Okay, sorry, I'm being hyperbolic. But please, please, play him well, Keanu (look at that picture on the right. Looks promising, no? Spike Spiegel-ish? Oh man, I hope so). And of course, there are a lot of questions in my head: Faye? Jet? and of course, Ed? Oh, Ed got to be played good.

Oh man, now I'm kind of excited. I'll google some candidates for the roles. There are some fans who like Adam Brody to be Spike. What? Ad

am Brody! You got to be kidding me. I mean, I'm a girl, I know he's cute and stuff, but Spike is not cute, okay. I definitely vote for Keanu.

Okay, so, Faye Valentine. Let's review. She's hot and smart. Maybe kind of like Lucy Liu's... what's her name? Alex? Yeah, but I won't let Lucy plays her, no. I thought

 about Uma, but no, I know, too old... too skinny. There's this fan who voted for Charisma Carpenter, and I think I'm agree.

I think I'm going to

 skip Edward first, she's going to be difficult. So, Jet. Jet Black. Hard man, hairy, but kind of sweet inside. Hm, I kind of thinking of... Liev Schreiber? The one plays Victor in X-Men Origins: Wolverine? Vince Vaughn? Ha, no. Eh wait. Maybe yes... if he grows

 some hair... I don't know. I think there are lots of Hollywood tough guy who can play his role.

Edward. Oh this is so hard. Definitely not Dakota

 Fanning, I find her a little scary. Beside, she looks too smart and white. Edward's smart, but she looks like a fool. Okay, I know this is probably a bad cast, but I just put Rubina Ali for this time. Sorry. I just don't know who else.

Well, I hope the casting crew is way better than me. I'm pretty satisfied with Keanu Reeves. I mean, I'm okay, he will work it out, right?

chuck's

Although I never read his book (I will), I've watched two movies of Chuck Palahniuk. Fight Club I watched so

me time ago (I should watch it again) and Choke I just watched before I write this. I like them both, not crazy about them, but good movies. I must say I like Fight Club better, Choke is fine but something's missing, I don't know what. I remember I got chills when I found out that Tyler and the narrator is the same person. His movies are about mental disorder or psychological problems,

but somehow there's something sweet behind all that.

it has everything!

Well, no, I'm hyperbolic, but this thing:

Internet |ˈintərˌnet|an international computer network providing e-mail and information from computers in educational institutions, government agencies, and industry, accessible to the general public via modem links.ORIGIN late 20th cent.: from inter- [reciprocal, mutual] + network .

really has so many informations, it's crazy! It's really useful of course, make things possible, but it's almost like you don't have to buy books and magazines anymore. But of course, there's something beautiful about holding a book and read it, in paper. Besides, less radiation.

I heard this quote about how, human brains are not a bowl to be filled, it is a flame to be lighted. Informations are good I think, but of course we don't want to be so numb, just being a receiver. We, as human being, of course want to produce something. We own creativity and we want to create something, not just accepting.

So I try not to be in front of the computer, television, radio, magazine all the time. I mean, it's good, but sometimes we have to make something of our own: write, draw... well, mostly think.

musicians

...turns out I'm into vocalist, eh?

the history boys

Since I'm on my holiday, I slept at about 3 AM this morning, woke up at about 9, and then directly watch movies. Well, only have watched one for now: The History Boys. It's a smart movie with dialogues, where they talk about poems, literature and thoughts. And  I enjoy those kind of movies, but to be honest, is the guys that attracted me. Not their thoughts for this matter, it's their looks. I know I sound like a shallow, stupid girl, but who doesn't? Look at them, they're just so adorable, eh? I kind of like it, school boys in uniform. (The dialogues and all that are a plus, but since I don't come from an English-speaking country, I think I miss a lot of things)

My favorite of them all is Scripps (who's the only one not in the crowd in this photo), played by Jamie Parker. Doesn't he has... I don't know, some kind of Heath's features? I think so. Well, Scripps, he's cool and calm, he doesn't involved in all the sex things yet he talks about them with the other guys. He's friendly, he doesn't seem snobby and loud like Lockwood or Dakin, but he's smart. And he eventually becomes a writer, a profession I adore. Jesse is a writer too, by the way.

I took the images from www.allmoviephotos.com

forever young and the future

I want to stay young forever, but I'm also excited about the future. I can't wait, the future seems to be more free, like I can do what I really want. I know it's not really true, I can see how adults seem more depressed than the younger ones. But I'm still curious and excited. I want to make all those decisions for myself. I want to make the world a better place, which I think will be more possible to do when I'm older.

By the way, I took the image from postsecret.com, they have a lot of good postcards there. Once, I found one I really like: grandmothers riding red car with big grins on their face and a message, "I wish I were this free." or something. The picture is just ridiculous and fun. But I can't find it. I'll put it here if I do.

it's a great loss.

I think I just started to like Heath Ledger after he was gone. Or maybe since I watched 10 Things I Hate About You for the first time, but then I haven't recognize actors yet. Now I have this crush on him, I kind of want to know him a little more. I remember he said in this article that he never really satisfied of his works. Was he sick of the teen-idol image? I don't know. Maybe he wouldn't like the picture I put here? Well, he's so gorgeous here, really. So far, I've watched ten movies of his, and I'm going to watch all of them.

before sunrise and before sunset

My two favorite movies of all time. I love everything about it: the cast, the songs, the dialogues, the beautiful scenes... everything. Well, to be honest, there are some dialogues that I don't agree with, since I'm feeling God is with me all the time. 

But it doesn't change the quality of the movies, since what I like about these movies is the imperfection of them. I mean, in this movie, some jokes aren't funny, some dialogues are

 overlapping, they're not always beautiful (Jesse doesn't has perfect teeth and Céline isn't the most beautiful girl ever) but they do have charms (Jesse's eyes and Céline's laughs). So I guess, it's naturalness, the honesty that made me watch both over and over again. I just watched it yesterday with some friends, and today I watch it again with my mother. I always try not to be so obsessed about anything, but I think I'm getting there with these movies.

Venice

I live in Asia, and there's a lot I want to see in Asia, yeah, but Venice. Venice, the city of the canals, the carnival, I just love it. See, I never really like cars. Most of them has hideous design, and even if they're not, they pollute. It's okay if there are only like, really small amount of cars existed, but what's happening now is not cool. That machine is being overrated, people think they have to have one, at least it's like that here, where I'm living. So, you know, Venice is really an ideal place for me: no cars. And that's not the only cool thing about this old city, of course. It has a lot more, but you can just wikipedia it. I'll come. I'll be there and enjoy the city for as long as I want to. I won't forget where I come from, where's my homeland, but this place is so special for me. I'll come there later in life.

bookstore

I really want to have my own humbly, cosy, warm bookstore. I always want to, but what stimulated me is that I just watched You've Got Mail, the one where Tom Hanks is this bookstore businessman. And, I also just watched my two favorite movies of all time: Before Sunrise and, it's sequel, Before Sunset. In Before Sunset, Jesse becomes this writer and he is interviewed in a small, dusty bookstore, Shakespeare and Company, which, by the way, pop up when I google-imaged 'bookstore'. I just love it, the idea of an old, dusty bookstore.